Ep 33: Great Mental Health at Midlife - Yes You Can! | Billy Lahr

In this conversation, host David Maloof discusses natural approaches to mental health with Billy Lahr, an intentional living coach and creator of the Mindful Midlife Crisis podcast. They explore Billy's personal journey with anxiety and how he discovered mindfulness as an alternative to medication. They discuss the benefits of mindfulness in managing anxiety attacks and improving mental health. 

Billy emphasizes the importance of combining mindfulness with medication for ADHD and the need to explore other approaches before resorting to medication. They also discuss practical mindfulness practices, such as mindful eating and mindful listening. Billy shares his contact information for those interested in working with him or joining his mindfulness sessions. 

In this podcast episode, David Maloof explores natural approaches to good health with guest Billy. They discuss the importance of natural approaches, the mind-body connection, alternative therapies, and the role of nutrition in maintaining good health.

Takeaways
Mindfulness can be an effective alternative to medication for managing anxiety and improving mental health.
Combining mindfulness with low-dose medication can have significant benefits for individuals with ADHD.
Practicing mindfulness involves being aware of the present moment without judgment and can be applied to various activities, such as meditation, eating, and listening.
Transitioning from a flow state to another task requires time for the mind to cool down and regulate emotions.
Quitting can be a wise decision when the time and energy invested in something no longer provide value or benefit. Natural approaches to health focus on holistic well-being and address the root causes of health issues.
The mind-body connection plays a significant role in overall health and can be harnessed for healing.
Alternative therapies, such as acupuncture and herbal medicine, can complement traditional medical treatments.
Nutrition is a key factor in maintaining good health and preventing diseases.

Billy's contact information: https://billylahr.com/
The Mindful Midlife Crisis Podcast: https://www.mindfulmidlifecrisis.com/

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Legal Disclaimer: This podcast is for information purposes only and statements are based on the opinions of the host and guests. We are not diagnosing health issues or prescribing treatment.

Transcript

Hello everyone, welcome to Adventures in Good Health, the place where we discuss natural approaches to good health that includes mental health. I'm your host, David Maloof. In the United States, in the last 12 months, approximately 20 % of the US population has sought assistance or psychological help or counseling. That is give or take,

about 60 million people, actually a little more than 60 million people. 15 % or around 50 million people, that's five zero, are on some type of psychological medication. It is not the purpose of this podcast to say whether that is necessarily right or wrong, but we are gonna talk about some of the alternatives to medication. Now that would cover a huge podcast that would stretch

well, way beyond the scope of this particular episode. So to help narrow the focus, we're gonna look more closely at some of the psychological approaches that may be available during midlife. So to assist us with that discussion, to walk us through that discussion is Billy Lahr. Billy is a intentional living coach and creator of the mindful midlife crisis.

a podcast for people navigating the complexities and possibilities of the second half. Hmm. Sounds interesting. Sounds like we're going to get a fairly in depth. So let's go ahead and let's just jump right in with Billy Lahr. Hello, Billy. Welcome to the show. Thanks for having me, David. I really appreciate it. So Billy, just to get started, to introduce you to our audience, uh,

Can you walk us through at least part of your journey up to this point? Yeah, I think the most interesting part of my journey starts about 10 years ago, a little over 10 years ago, maybe around 2012. And I am someone who, yeah, I've struggled with anxiety, a bit of perfectionism, and I think that was really starting to build up inside of me.

way back in 2012, I had been through a series of, of difficult breakups during that time. I was in a two-year relationship, which I would call manipulative and, and emotionally abusive as well. You know, it's one side of the story, right? But that's my side of the story. I felt that it was an emotionally abusive relationship. And then I was in a relationship for a year that

He knew things just didn't work out. Uh, she was a single mom and she just said, I didn't, she didn't want to change the dynamic between her and her son. And I was like, Oh, that sucks. And, and just kind of processing through those. And at that time too, I was also working in an alternative program as an English teacher. And those students were coming to me with a variety of academics, social, emotional,

behavioral barriers. And they were coming in with this toxicity and negativity about their experience in education. And like, to be honest, I don't know that I was emotionally mature enough to be a pillar of support for them during that time. My twenties were pretty reckless. It is just, it just kind of running on, on alcohol and entitlement and privilege for 10 years. And, and,

you're just not really sitting down to really think about being reflective. And you know, when you're in your twenties, you're kind of 10 feet tall and bulletproof and no one can tell you any difference. And, and I think I had carried that into my thirties as well. And then I encountered these students who, you know, they were pushing back on a lot of the things. And then I was experiencing rejection too in my personal life. So my,

this rejection in my personal and professional life, it started to manifest into anxiety attacks. And Sunday nights were always the worst for me because I thought to myself, man, when Monday rolls around, it's going to be five more days of hell until I get this reprieve of the weekend. And that then started to affect my sleep. And all of that started to manifest into

depression, which started to manifest into suicidal ideation. And I remember this was back in February of 2013 and I'm from Minnesota and it's cold as hell in Minnesota in February. And, and I was going to go to a birthday party on a Saturday night and I'm thinking, all right, it's Saturday. I'm away from whatever toxicity is in my life right now.

So I should be able to enjoy myself on the weekend. And I remember sitting on the couch and saying, all right, at 7 PM, I'm going to go to this party. I'll take off. It'll take me about a half hour to get there. And at 6 51 PM, I don't know why I remember the time. I guess that is it must be a significant moment. But at 6 51 PM, I had this anxiety attack and it wasn't a crippling anxiety attack. It wasn't any more.

Intense and any other anxiety attack that I've had in my past but it was enough to Physically and emotionally and mentally wear me out to the point where I Texted my friend about 15 20 minutes later and just said hey, I'm not feeling well I'm not gonna make it to the party tonight. Sorry, and I woke up the next morning think to myself Boy, there's something wrong here

There's like, it's a weekend. I shouldn't be feeling this way on the weekend. And after having a couple of conversations with my best friend who has his PhD in forensic neuropsychology, I was kind of using him as my makeshift therapist. He's like, what you're sharing with me right now is not normal conversation. So I can't, I can't be this for you. You need to work with a professional. And luckily,

There was a therapist office right around the corner from where I lived. And I sent him all like the, you know, on the, on their website, they had a list of all their accomplishments and their CV, that sort of thing. And so I sent that to him and I said, you know, me, you know what I need in terms of behavioral therapy, find somebody on this list and refer me and I will set up an appointment with them.

And now a quick word from our sponsor, Dr. Tate's Herbal Tinctures and Tonics. Dr. Tate's offers the herbal blood tonic, Doc's detox, herbal male tonic, herbal female tonic, and the herbal fat burner. If you would like to order your tonics or learn more information, you can go to drtates .online. And if you click the link in the description and enter the special promo code adventures in good health.

2024, you will receive 10 % off your entire order. For more information, click the links below and now back to the show. And so he chose a woman named Mindy Bendixson. And I, anytime I do a podcast, I always give Mindy credit because Mindy is the person who introduced me to mindfulness. And we would practice mindfulness for

Excuse me, I would go to therapy, excuse me, twice a month, and we did that for six months. And she would give me mindfulness practices that I could use during therapy, but then also outside. So she kind of gave me homework as well. And I remember the first time I sat down with her, I said, listen, I don't want to go on medication. And she says, nope, we're not going to do medication. We're going to do meditation. What's your experience with that?

And so she introduced me to some mindfulness practices and there's different forms of meditation that's out there. Meditation is a form of mindfulness, but mindfulness is, is, is a bigger umbrella than just meditation. I think a lot of people use them synonymously, but it's, it's, uh, it's mindfulness is really more of a bigger umbrella and meditation is under that umbrella. But I found after six months and going twice a week and doing some of these meditation practices and

I also purchased the Mark Williams book called mindfulness and eight week plan to something like finding more calm amidst the chaos, something along those lines. Um, I read that book and I started doing some of the exercises in there too. And I found that though I was still having anxiety attacks, they were far less intense. And I was actually,

aware of what those felt like in the body so that when I could, when I was sensing that somatic experience, I was able to say, Hey, you know what this is. This is the beginnings of an anxiety attack. And I would even do this if I was standing up at the class, if I was teaching about Romeo and Juliet having this feeling in my stomach and I'm like, Oh, we know what this is. We know this is anxiety and having this.

I guess this running dialogue in the back of my head where I was saying, Hey, you know, this is, this is anxiety. So let's keep it where it's at, because if you try to shove it down, then it's going to push back and it's even stronger. So I would just try and keep it where it was at with self -talk and naming and taming. And then I would continue on with the lesson and then get them on task and then sit down at my desk and just do some breathing exercises. And that would.

that would help manage that anxiety, so it didn't bubble over into me reacting to a situation within the classroom. Instead, I was able to respond to what was happening in the classroom. So much so that when October of the next school year came around, my freshman I had again as sophomores, and one of them said, Mr. Lahr, you seem like you're in a better mood this year. And I was like, well,

That's it. Like that's, there's the proof right there because my, my energy is so palpable and it has shifted so much from this negative toxic energy to something that's like, that, you know, that people can, can handle. Right. And I often tell people that I,

I practice mindfulness so that I can be this level of obnoxious because if I didn't, I'd be an out-of-control a -hole. So, you know, I'm, I'm still pretty high energy. I'm still pretty high intensity. I'm still high anxiety, but I'm able to use those now as, as kind of superpowers and not let them boil over as often. I'm human. So that still happens.

but I'm able to rein it in a little bit better and not let it get so intense there. Again, there are certainly times when, you know, I do let my emotions get the best of me, but like I said, I'm able to rein that in. I'm aware of it and I'm, I'm can kind of take a look, a look around the room and say, Oh, okay. What, what's needed from me right now? What energy is needed for me?

And it kind of reminds me of, of how poker players feel out of the room. And, and I'm able to use that then in order to be kind of more authentic. I've never liked that phrase, be your authentic self, your authentic self changes in whatever environment you are in. You can't always 100 % be this person because the situation might not call for it. So in doing so then,

this mindfulness has given me the opportunity to better read a room so that I can understand what energy it is I can bring to the room, but then also carry on in a way that, that, that is genuine, that isn't phony, that isn't fake. So Billy, one of the first things that, uh, you, you said to your, your therapist was, I don't want to be on medications.

Why is that? I think a big part of it was the stigma. You know, having worked in education, I see a lot of students who are on ADHD medication and I guess I'm of the belief that that people are over prescribed, particularly students. I think that there are other social emotional skill sets that they could learn before going on to medication.

I didn't feel like I was, I'll tell you this. I was very anti -medication for a long time. And then we had a guest on my podcast named Brian Piot. And Brian struggles with OCD and I think he struggled with depression too. And I had him come on because he's also a heavy meditator. He leads meditation sessions.

But he has said that the medication and the meditation, those really compliment each other because the meditation doesn't take away some of those intrusive thoughts of the OCD. Now I would say that my mental health issues weren't that intense to the point where I felt I needed medication. Now in hindsight,

I firmly believe and have faith that if over time, many Ben Dixon would have seen that, Oh no, that this meditation, it needs something a little bit more. So now we're going to add in small doses of medication. But I, I wanted to start with something, you know, something emotional, intelligent. I lacked; I lacked emotional maturity.

I didn't know how to handle these situations. I needed to develop those skills first. And then in developing those skills, then I was able to self -regulate. And I think if Mindy had not seen the growth, the ability to self -regulate, and she was seeing particularly the depression and the suicidal ideation grow worse and worse over time, she might have prescribed something.

And I think that's the route. I think that's a better route for people to take. I'm speaking solely from an anecdotal point of view. But, but I often, you know, we we've seen with mindfulness and ADHD that that ADHD does have an impact on people with, excuse me,

that mindfulness does have an impact on people who have ADHD, that they are able to self -regulate a little bit better through mindfulness, that they are able to wean themselves down, not necessarily off completely their medication, but if they're on whatever 20 milligrams, take it down to 10 just through, through a habitual, regular, consistent, disciplined mindfulness practice.

You can't just sprinkle a little mindfulness around like it's salt and flavor things. It has to be consistent. You have to be doing it on a regular basis. And there are, there is research out there that shows that, that mindfulness has these physiological, mental, physical, emotional benefits when it comes to regulation, even kind of, you know, again, the physiological part of it.

managing that stress, which what spikes our cholesterol, it spikes, uh, uh, you know, our, our blood pressure, those kinds of things were able to regulate that with mindfulness. Now again, is, is mindfulness a cure all? No, not at all. And I don't think it, I think if, if people need a prescription, then there's something to that. But are there other,

routes that they can take first. And I think I'm cautious of saying, oh, we don't need medication. But at the same time too, it's like, does it have to be the first thing that we go to? And for me, I didn't want to do medication. And again, I think a big, if I'm being honest, a big part of that was just, I didn't want the stigma of that. But,

But at the same time too, I didn't feel like I needed it at that time. So it might've been a 50 -50, it might even be, if I'm being honest, like 75 -25, I don't want the stigma and the 25%. I didn't think that I needed it at the time. But in hindsight, I feel like I made the right decision because it has been a sustainable practice, it's something that I've done now for over 10 years. And...

I'm now a certified mindfulness meditation teacher. So it has impacted me so much that I'm now transitioned out of education at a public school into education of mindfulness. Now, had I started on medication, would I have gone to pharmacy school? I don't know that that would have been the case. That'd be quite a leap. I mean, I'm really, I'm loving your story.

in part because I personally am a big believer that while medication may under certain circumstances be your best option, we would prefer that it's not your first line of defense. Try to explore other options before you get on medication. I know that I was doing some research on Ritalin or under its various names.

is prescribed to about 15 million people in the United States. And many of those people were originally prescribed as children. Yet as you research Ritalin, there are concerns, there are even warnings about being on Ritalin for long periods of time or higher doses. And one of the red flags that I have in my mind is,

when they say once you're on it for a certain amount of time, you can't just stop taking it. You need to just, you need to work with your doctor to just kind of, as he works you down and kind of gets you off it slowly. Cause if you take it too, if you stop taking too fast, apparently it's like suicidal thoughts, plunging people into depression, other mental illness. And I was thinking, you know, there are other approaches.

ADHD. I've heard some people would try yoga and you know you're not going to get addicted to yoga and you could do yoga for five years straight and if you just wake up one day and say this is not working you can stop and it's not going to plunge you into mental illness and so it's always just a red flag with certain prescriptions and I love how you went to your therapist you said you know I don't want to do medication right from the

start, let's look at some of these other approaches. And it just, you mentioned that if I understood what you were saying, some of the other concerns involving cholesterol or high blood pressure, I can say that I've known people who had high blood pressure, who had high cholesterol, and that the first thing that they did was take a pill for it.

and they would be on that pill for 20 years and 30 years and they had to start taking more pills to counteract the negative consequences of the first pills and literally dozens of prescriptions and it was a scary situation. So I really like the path that you're describing and I like that you're sharing that path with our audience. The mindfulness, you're saying that it's more of an umbrella.

Can you kind of walk our audience through more about what you mean when you say mindfulness? Yeah, yeah. So mindfulness is the awareness of the present moment without a judgment. So you are transferring from going from doing mode to being mode. And being mode feels very self -indulgent.

and lazy, but there is a, it's not mindlessness. So it's the opposite of mindlessness. If we are being self -indulgent and lazy, but we are scrolling on our phone, that is not mindfulness. That's mindlessness, but to sit within tension with whatever it is that you are doing. So meditation,

falls under the umbrella of mindfulness. So when I meditate and I try to do about 10 to 15 minutes a day, it's you. Ideally, you get more benefits if you're doing more than that. I find that just to kind of manage things for me 10 to 15 minutes, it feels doable and I can do it in one sitting. But what I'm doing.

in that is I'm essentially just becoming a witness to my experience, and I use my breath. So I'm keeping my attention on where I feel my breath and what that breath feels like. And it's usually in my stomach. Some people will feel it in their chest. Some people will feel it in their nose. So it's just me watching my breath for 10 or 15 minutes. And some people out there, maybe that sounds boring. It might be.

It very well might be the reality is though, that your mind is inevitably going to drift away from whatever your focus is. So if I'm focused in on my breath, my mind is going to drift away and it is going to ruminate or it is going to time travel. And the beauty then of mindfulness is that

The awareness that you are no longer focused on your breath or whatever your intention was at the beginning. The awareness is the practice. The failure is the practice because then you realize, oh, I am no longer focused on my breath and I am going to bring myself back to the feeling of my breath in my chest or in my stomach or in my nose. And I'm going to come back and I'm going to watch it.

So that's part of it. But then the other part of it too is bringing it back with compassion and non -judgment. And we often talk about in the myophanous world, the second arrow and that the second arrow is actually more painful. So the first arrow is recognizing, oh, I'm no longer focused on my breath. The second arrow though, is the judgment that follows it. So the reason why they call it the second arrow is because,

the, I guess the story that we tell in the mindfulness community is man is walking through the woods and he gets hit in the arm with this errant arrow and he's in pain. But then the second arrow is his mind where he says, Oh, this always happens to me. Why does this always happen to me? I have such bad luck. So that's the second arrow.

is the mindset, the judgment. Yes. It's the judgment that comes along with it. The, the, the victimization of it. Right. So if I'm, if I am no longer focused on my breath, that's the first arrow. And that's just an awareness that, Oh, I'm no longer focused on my breath, but I want to be mindful. I want to be careful of the second arrow, which is the judgment of I never do this right. I don't know how to meditate.

David Maloof (26:45.965)

I don't know what I'm doing. This is so hard. That's the second arrow. And instead just simply acknowledging that, Hey, I drifted away. Now I come back. I drifted away and now I come back and you're going to do that five to 5 ,000 times and it fit 10 to 15 minute meditation. And that's perfectly fine. And that's perfectly normal. So I talked about, you asked how, how,

the umbrella of mindfulness. So meditation is a format, but one thing that in terms of practicality, if people out there listening are like, I don't have 10 or 15 minutes. First of all, that's BS. Yes, you do. But if you think you don't, okay, here's a mindfulness practice that you can do the next time you have your coffee. The next time you have your coffee, try and go somewhere. And maybe you have little kids, what have you.

but see if you can go somewhere where you're not going to be disrupted. And as you sit there with your coffee, my challenge to you is this. I did this with my former co -host, Matt Hazard. He's a coffee connoisseur. And I asked him, when was the last time that you really enjoyed your coffee? Because he's in a coffee club, and he gets coffee sent to him. All right? So he's this coffee connoisseur. So when was the last time you experienced your coffee?

And what I meant by that was activating all of your senses before you even take a sip. So feeling the warmth of the, of the cup and seeing the steam and feeling the steam and the warm and the heat come out of the cup and then looking at the colors and seeing how they swirl together. Right? I don't know. I don't drink coffee.

but I know that most people don't drink their coffee black. Most people put a little bit of, you know, what, whether it's sugar, whether it's milk, whether it be cream, right? So there's some, there's a coloration of it. So even the mixing of those colors in to see that change, you look at it like a Bob Ross painting if you want, right? So you can see those colors then change and you see the swirl and then smelling it.

Coffee has an aroma to it and different brands of coffee have different aromas to them. And then finally taking a sip, but then not just sipping it and swallowing it, but sipping it and savoring. That word savor is so important. To savor the flavor of the coffee, to savor the warmth, the heat in your mouth.

And I'm not saying you have to drink your entire cup like that, but maybe you take three, four sips like that, where after each sip, you set the cup back down and you see how things have, or what they are now in the moment. Not necessarily comparing it to where they were before or since, but just seeing where the things are now. What are you noticing now as far as the heat, as far as the color?

That's a mindfulness practice that has nothing to do with meditation, but that is being present with your coffee. I think about, you know, wine drinkers and you see them swirling it around and swishing it around. It looks so pretentious, but kudos to you wine drinkers. I feel like, I feel like you have hacked a mindfulness practice right there, whether you realize it or not.

You can do this with food as well. I'm traveling around right now. I was telling you before that I'm in Chiang Mai, Thailand right now. And I'm eating different foods and experiencing the culture of Northern Thai food, which is significantly different from island Thai food. So I feel very fortunate that I am connected with friends here who are local Thai. And last night,

My friend May wanted to go and have Northern food. And so she ordered just this huge tray of food and I got the sample all of it. And you know, Thai food is spicy. I love spicy food, but the spice levels are different. Ingredients in the spice are different. And I was in, we were joined by my friend Nantikon and Nantikon is

David Maloof (31:36.173)

I mean, she is like rural Thai and grew up in a rural area Thai. So she eats leaves and, and she just kind of picking the leaves and she's telling me, give me like, this is why you would eat this. Or if you had a cold, you would eat this leaf right here. And this kind of tastes like clove and this tastes like mint. And listen, I grew up on a farm.

And we ate meat and potatoes every day. There weren't a lot of greens. And my dad will tell you, and I'm a fussy eater. I am absolutely a fussy eater. So both traveling, I'm like, no, you got to experience the culture here in the food. So taking a leaf off of, like, did you pick that up off the ground? Did you wash that? Like, yeah. So you kind of pluck the leaf off of it and you roll some rice into it and you eat it.

It's like, Oh, and just taking in the uniqueness of the aroma and the flavor and the texture of this food. All of that is a mindfulness practice. The art of cooking can be a mindfulness practice. You talked about yoga. Mindful movement is a form of, you know, of mindfulness. We do mindful walks when I lead people through, through,

Uh, my courses, we do a mindful walk in there as well. So when I talk about this umbrella of mindfulness, it's not just meditation. Meditation is a form of mindfulness, but going for a walk in nature can be mindfulness. Eating can be mindfulness. Drinking your coffee can be mindfulness. I have tinnitus in my ear. So, and I sleep with earplugs in. So when I, when I have that in,

It kind of amplifies the sound of the tinnitus. And that used to drive me nuts, but I've actually turned that into a mindful listening practice now and tuning into the frequency of the tinnitus sometimes is a mindfulness practice for me. And it allows me to sort of sit with it's no longer discomfort. It's just a sound that is present and how is that sound shifting?

moment by moment by moment. And in doing so, it helps us cultivate acceptance. Mindfulness helps us cultivate curiosity, openness, compassion, awareness, gratitude, non -judgment. All these things, particularly gratitude, there is research on gratitude about the impact that that has on our mental health. So to sit,

with these things to sit in curiosity, to sit in open awareness, to sit in gratitude. These are all beneficial to us because they can improve our mental health and the mind body, it's all connected here. So as we improve our mental health, then we see this correction in our physical health. Now,

Do I think there's a time and place for medication? I do. Especially if you're so far gone. But then, as part of medication, what are you doing to take a look at lifestyle? Are you changing any aspect of your lifestyle? Or are you hoping that you can live the same lifestyle and let the medication be your excuse?

to smoke or to eat unhealthy or to continue drinking. What if we found a way to, I'm a big fan of intuitive eating. And like I said, because I'm a meat and potatoes guy, I just kind of gravitate towards that. So, but even though my body is screaming, give me vegetables, dummy, give me fruits, dummy, stop eating.

Red, so much red meat and listen, I'm not demonizing red meat. I love red meat. I love me a steak. I love me a burger. But if you eat it every single day, you feel it. You feel it in your body, especially if you're not balancing that out with some green, some asparagus, some, some oranges, apples, that sort of stuff. You got to balance it. You got to balance it out. So what do you mean intuitive eating?

Yeah, so I'm not an expert in intuitive eating, but here's kind of my understanding of what intuitive eating is. To practice mindfulness, again, the mind and the body are communicating with each other and the body is saying to the mind, you know what, I could really go for this. And it's not so much a craving for junk food. It's saying the body needs these nutrients.

body needs these minerals. It's, it's missing these right now. I mean, the simplest thing is dehydration. You can go days without thinking about, Oh, I need to drink water. And then you realize, Oh gosh, like you look at, you look at your pee and you're like, it's dark like, Oh, I'm dehydrated. I probably should be drinking more water. But if you slow down throughout the day,

the body and the mind have an opportunity to communicate with each other. And it's like, Oh, Hey, I'm thirsty. Oh, Hey, I'm hungry. What is it that I'm hungry for? It's not the craving for something sweet or anything like that. It's actually a craving for something nutritious. And to my understanding, that's what intuitive eating is, is actually listening to the body.

and providing a space for the mind and the body to communicate with each other so that they can say, hey, this is actually what we need to function at our optimal level right here, a more efficient level. Interesting concept. Spoiler alert, I'm feeling a craving for a future podcast topic on intuitive eating.

I have a perfect guest for you if you would like that introduction. I would love that. Yeah, yeah, I certainly can make that connection for you. Perfect. You know, thinking through, I mean, there's a lot to unwrap because you were talking, you were covering some very interesting topics. So going back to the mindfulness.

David Maloof (38:41.997)

With ADHD, it's hard to focus. Probably one of the biggest problems that people have is, you know, whether you would talk about fixing a car or working a spreadsheet or just doing your job or concentrating on a relationship, it's a challenge. And it sounds like what you're saying when you gave the example of the coffee.

It's almost like stopping to smell the roses, that old saying, you gotta stop and smell the roses. And you're saying, hold the cup of coffee, sit.

experience in the cup of coffee, the swirling of the colors, the steam, taking a sip, savoring the taste of the coffee, putting it down, thinking about that. It's like, okay, so it's something that you enjoy doing.

you're breaking it down and you're focusing your mind on just small bits of that information or that experience. And what it sounds like you're saying is you do this repeatedly, over time you're training your mind how to focus. Now how you go from a cup of coffee to a massive spreadsheet.

That sounds like it takes time to train your mind to be able to do that. It's a very interesting, very interesting concept and...

especially if you focus on things that you enjoy doing, I would think it's something that most people could at least try to do or put some effort into that to train their mind. The other thing is I'm trying to understand if there's a connection between ADHD and anxiety. Does one cause the other or are they tied together? And a major part of anxiety is fear.

A lot of what you've described, even when you were saying you were describing your experiences in class, teaching your class, learning what these anxiety attacks feel like, you're like, oh, I know what this is. I can control this to a certain degree, which it's almost like it feeds off itself, because if you start to feel a degree of control, I think you mentioned like a superpower.

you start to feel the control, which reduces the anxiety, which then gives you a little more control, which reduces the anxiety a little more. Am I describing at a kind of a novice level what you're explaining to our audience? Well, yeah. Let me, so there's a lot in there. So I'm going to try and hold all of that in my head here while I go on this tangent. So I think one common misconception,

around ADHD is that is a lack of focus. And really ADHD is hyper -focus. That people who have ADHD can get into the flow as they call it, is a very popular term, better than anybody. And then they just get, and when they're in that flow, they are in it. They are in their hyper -focus.

Focused into it. So then the thing is is that When they're not in that flow That then it's it's it's a lot of scattered right there There's there's it's almost like looking at clouds in the sky or the fish in the sea, right? Which fish do I pay attention to which fish do I pay attention to? So which one is is holding my focus? So that's why

actually, what we see is a combination of mindfulness and low dosage ADHD medication actually has one of the best benefits because what the ADHD medication is doing is it's speeding up that part of the brain that cannot regulate and in in hold and kind of carp

compartmentalize things. What the 80 excuse me, what the mindfulness is doing is it is cooling your amygdala, which is your fight, flight or fright response. It's actually cooling that and it's also shrinking the amygdala so that you are less. You are, uh, uh, you, your animal brain is less activated and it's also

building up the gray matter in the prefrontal cortex, which is where we regulate emotion. So there are parts in the prefrontal cortex that are not firing. When we have an ADHD brain, what that Ritalin is doing or whatever the medication adderall is that you're going to be taking, it's kicking that stuff in. And it's, it's, that's why that combination of low dose of, of

Adderall or what have you and, and mindfulness actually has a significant benefit. They also talk about take med, meditating shortly after having caffeine actually has a significant boost because the caffeine activates the brain and then the, the meditation is kind of also activating that prefrontal cortex. But the key part of that is

deactivating, not deactivating, but, but cooling the fight, flight or fright response. And that's important because that goes back to the same, what you talked about with fear and anxiety and ADHD. Sometimes people get diagnosed with anxiety. Really they have ADHD and sometimes they have ADHD. Really they have anxiety. So they, they kind of,

coincide and exist together. But this idea of fear is really important because for me when it comes to anxiety, what I'm struggling with is understanding the difference between the possible and the probable. Anything is possible. Anything is possible. And so when I allow my mind to drift into the possible,

then the animal brain of fight, fight or fright kicks in and I go into survival mode. But when I rationalize that, well, this is what's more probable. Then I'm able to cool that down by using my prefrontal cortex to regulate the emotional response to whatever situation I am in. So if I am delivered news,

then I am able to look at, well, anything is possible. Yes, I can go to the most catastrophic possibility outcome right here. But what's more likely? Let me shift over to the probable over here. And so that's a huge reframe for people who struggle with anxiety. Now, as far as ADHD, that's more of just

just getting hyper focused and getting so far into something that there, you just got to kind of pull them out of whatever matrix they are in because the emotional regulation just isn't there. So whether that's behavioral or whatever, that's a task that they are given and watching them go and saying, okay, how do we pull you out from that? And the one thing,

about the flow state. You know, we talk about how you've got to get into the flow state. You got to get into the flow state is so crucial to get into a flow state. But then we also need to talk about the crash at the end of the flow, because if we're in a flow state and we try to transition into another task, that next task is going to be worthless. So,

when we come out of that flow state, we have to understand that we're coming down from a euphoric feeling. So then we need time to transition. We need that 10 to 15, 20 minutes to transition. That's why I always advise people as much as you possibly can, do not schedule back to back meetings, schedule 45 minute meetings. Nobody needs to talk to you for an hour anyway. So schedule a 45 minute meeting.

because you know it's going to run long anyway. So then if your next meeting starts at the top of the hour and it runs till 55, take five minutes, do not respond to that email. Do not check your phone. You sit and you let your brain cool. You go from doing mode to being mode. You indulge in, you sit in self -indulgence and you be present with your breath and you let yourself.

regulate so that you can shift and transition into that next task. That's really, really crucial. And then going back to what you were saying in terms of the control piece, I think of it as a thermostat. So to me, mindfulness becomes a thermostat when the room is too hot, when my emotions are running too hot.

Mindfulness brings me back down to a very comfortable 72 degrees. And when I am feeling low and when I am feeling depressed, I'm able to access gratitude and that gratitude warms me back up to a nice comfortable 72 degrees. So I think of it as a thermostat in that way rather than a thermometer, which just goes up and down based on whatever your mood is.

So Billy.

There are people in this audience right now who are, I'm sure what you're saying is resonating with them. Can you work with people on, can they reach you and work with you on some of these practices and some of this expertise? Yeah, they certainly can. I've got.

two different websites out there. Now I just launched a brand new website. So this is, this is exciting because this is the first podcast that I've done with the new website. So I get to promote the website. Yeah. Yeah. So I appreciate it. Yeah. So people can go to one or two websites. They can go to www .billylarr .com L A H R .com and they can access the courses that I have available there. You can also go to www .mindfulmidlifecrisis .com. That's my podcast.

I'm not doing any more new episodes. I did, I did the podcast for three years and I want to move into doing more coaching and focusing on that. But if you do go to the podcast website up at the top, you can click on join meditate and mingle. So meditate and mingle is a weekly session, mindfulness practice session that we do virtually with a group. I have people from all around the world that join.

There's generally a small group at this point, but I'm trying to grow that community each and every single week. What that looks like is we, we just do a quick check in five minutes. How, how are things going? Where are you at right now? What are you, what did you come in with? What are you present with? And then I lead people through anywhere between a 10 to 20 minute guided mindfulness practice. And again, that mindfulness is a big umbrella, right? It's a big umbrella.

Usually it's a meditation of some sort, but it could be a meditation that focuses on curiosity, openness, compassion, awareness, gratitude, non -judgment, and acceptance. Something along those lines. And then from there, we just have a conversation. What came up for you during this practice? What was challenging during this practice? What was surprised you during this practice? What did you notice?

internally or externally during this practice, bringing that awareness to focus so that moving forward, I ask you the question, how can you use this in the next week? How can you apply this practice moving forward in the next week so that you can be more intentional, more mindful, more aware? So that's the, that's the one that I really love to,

get people to join because then I get an opportunity to chat with people via zoom. I feel like I'm far more engaging via zoom. I'm even more engaging one -on -one in person and doing presentations. I love doing professional development. So always looking for opportunities like that. But if people are looking for, I guess the gateway drug to mindfulness,

They can come to meditate and mingle. It's much safer than any other drug that's out there. So. Well, I, and I can say that I love your podcast. Oh, thank you. The first podcast was the one that you were saying, Hey, I'm, I'm moving on to something else. I was like, Oh, and then I realized you have a vast library of episodes. Yeah. So there is a lot to dig through. And that's the one of the beautiful thing about podcasts. It.

I mean, you have so much information. I highly encourage people to check out your podcast. All your contact information, if you're watching this on YouTube, it's all coming up on your screen. But it's also in the podcast description, the YouTube description, so anyone could just click and they can use those links to reach out to you and really dig deeper into mindfulness.

Yeah, and I love when people contact me too. So if people want to follow me on Instagram, it's mindful underscore midlife underscore crisis. Give me a follow there. Shoot me a DM. Let me know what you thought was relevant or resonated with you in this episode. You can also find me on LinkedIn. I like contacting people that way. So it's Billy Lahr on LinkedIn. Or you can shoot me an email at mindfulmidlifecrisis at gmail .com. Get in touch with me that way.

We have a YouTube page and there was one more thing that I was going to talk about and now it has absolutely slipped my mind, but hopefully it'll come back to me here before you sign off. But yeah, those are all great ways to contact me. I really enjoy making those connections with people. Here's what I was going to say. You talked about the vast library. I knew if I talked long enough in a circle that I would come back round to it.

If you talk about the vast library of the podcast, I think we have over 125 episodes, something like that total. If you don't know where to start, you can go to www .mindfulmidlifecrisis .com. After you sign up for Meditate and Mingle, you can go back to the website and click on Podcasts. And underneath that, it says Fan Faves. And we have a list of all of our fan faves. That way, you can just kind of get started with our best episodes.

Because not all of them are good, but the ones that are on the fan faves are really, really good episodes. We've had so many diverse and amazing guests come on to share their experiences and expertise. It was a blast to do the show, and it was a bummer to let it go. But it was time to move on, and I feel really good about moving on. I was just having this conversation the other day with somebody where we were talking about.

how quitting gets a bad rap. And I think quitting happens for one of two reasons. One, you either don't have the resilience to continue on doing something, or you have the awareness to recognize that the time and energy that you are putting into whatever it is that you're doing is not paying off. It is not benefiting you, is not of value any longer. And you have the fortitude.

to let it go. So I put myself in that second category with the podcast. I was putting a lot of time, energy and money into it and I wasn't getting back what I was putting into it. And it was just time for me to let it go. And I feel really, really good about the time that we shared together with that podcast. And I feel also good about letting it go. So yeah, it was a blast to do it. And...

As I was saying, I have a slew of guests that I could love to introduce you to, David, to have conversations about adventures in good health. Because I feel like you're onto something here with this idea of, hey, what are the other ways that we can be healthy that doesn't involve a prescription?

That's exactly what it is and talking to you, you're the perfect fit. The message that you have and you're also a very wise man because. Well, you mean quitting. There's a time for everything and everything has its time. And I know that right now there's a lot of conversation even amongst YouTubers. Some very famous YouTubers with huge followings.

millions and millions of followings are just stepping back because they're exhausted or they're scrounging for content. And it's like, you know, at some point you got to know when, you know, something has had its time and you put your, now it's time to take that experience and it needs to apply it to something else. So it sounds like you've already recognized that.

And I saw you smirk a little bit. I was wondering if you were going to launch into the gambler right there. I was really hoping that you were going to start, start with you got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. Got a note. The son of a professional gambler. I've heard a few things in my time. And so yes. Well, Billy, I mean, this has been a great conversation. I'd love to talk to you again.

So I would love that too. I had a really great time and, and I mean, I need to hire you to do my meditations. Your voice is so soothing. I just really, really enjoy it. Oh, I need to just do it. Do these ASMR videos where I just, I just look at the camera and I just start talking gibberish to calm people. I would listen to it. I would listen to it a hundred percent. All right, Billy.

Thank you and just to remind everyone, all of Billy's contact information is in the description. Just click the links below and reach out to Billy. All right, sir. Thank you very much. I hope you have a great day. Yes, thank you so much. I really appreciated the conversation. Thank you again. Thank you, Billy. That was a very interesting conversation, a lot to unpack. And hmm, my clairvoyance is telling me I think there's another

podcast on the horizon with Billy. We certainly have more to talk about. So until then, thank you very much for watching this podcast and for commenting and engaging and clicking the like button. Now, if you haven't already done so, please hit that subscribe button. Ooh, right on the screen now it's coming up, subscribe. Don't hit that thing. It's the subscribe button that's down below that on the YouTube channel. Hit subscribe and.

the notification button. That way, every time we upload a new podcast, which we're uploading twice a week, you'll be notified. We have a lot of great content coming your way. Okay, so until the next episode, this is David Maloof signing off, Exploring Natural Approaches to Good Health. That does it for this episode of Adventures in Good Health. We would like to hear from you.

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